I decided to throw up on this post.......

Sitting in my apartment I open up the beginning pages of Blue Like Jazz, a book a friend recommended to me before my trip. However I can only get through the first three pages of this guy’s story about his walk with Christ after growing up in a broken home. I feel like every best-selling Christian author grew up with a broken home, an abusive past, or was strung out most of their teen years. Only three pages in I stopped. I just didn’t have the patience or interest to hear about another person with the same story of a broken past slowly finding their way to Christ.  This may sound harsh and unchristlike but the truth is, it’s not that I don’t want to listen to people or have sympathy for them. In fact I love hearing about people’s journey through life, and being encouraged by what they have come through, but it’s almost impossible for me to relate to these authors because my life was the complete opposite.

Ever since I was little I have always been ashamed of what I have. My incredible family, my loving church, my great friends, my ability to do well in school, everything I have been blessed with I have felt guilty for having. I don’t understand why I get to have such a rich, full life while millions of people are hurting and suffering in the world. It’s like in school when you and a friend both tryout for a sports team, you run to the gym after school to see if you made it. You did and you are so happy, but quickly hide your excitement when you see the devastation on your friend’s face because she was the only one who didn’t make it. For me, sharing my excitement with people about my awesome life felt like rubbing it in to those who didn’t have as much as I did.

Listening to speakers at church or hearing other students’ testimonies stories after a week at church camp made me feel like I didn’t really have a testimony or story to share at all. It seemed like every evangelist to come through church was just like most Christian authors who came out of a horrible addiction or home life. When I would say something to my counselor at the end of the week I always got the same answer of how I was lucky that I didn’t have to go through what these people went through and I don’t have all of the “baggage” that they have to deal with. Secretly, I wanted some kind of dramatic past. To me it was simple. I would have had a horrible first few years as a kid, get invited to church camp, have God take all of my problems away in five days, and get an awesome life and story by the end of the week. Haha I later learned that’s not how life really works, and was grateful for the life I was given but never wanted to tell anyone about it.

These past few months I’ve had a passion for hearing people’s stories and where they have come from, but recently, I’ve had an even greater desire to share my story with people.  Then I stop and think. “Who would want to hear my story? I don’t have a dramatic past or life altering event that brought me to Christ? Who would want to listen to me or who could ever relate to me?”

Sitting in my apartment today I realized something, I have a story to tell, an incredible story. An example of how rich and beautiful life is when Christ is at the center of every part of it. I’m tired of hiding behind my ministry face listening to others, but also secretly hoping they will ask me about my life, my past. I’m tired of always turning conversations and attention back towards others because I feel inadequate or fear rejection. I know that if I had a coffee date with Jesus, he would sit across the table at Starbucks and get even more excited than I am about all that I have and have accomplished.

In the bible, God says that he hates pride, and he rewards the humble. However, just like pride can bring destruction to a person’s life false humility can be even more damaging.  One of my favorite songs from kid’s church was “this little light of mine” (but the remix version with the black light puppets). Hiding my light from people doesn’t just mean that I don’t share the story of Christ with them, but it can also mean that I am hiding me from them and all that Christ has done for me.  

I don’t know who will read this or if this will encourage anyone else, although I hope it does. But for me, realizing that I have a story to tell and telling it is all that matters.

The Simple Life

Bonjur!

My dearest friends & family! Its really late here in Paris,but after reading my facebook I thought I probably should post something before some of you explode. :)

It's only been a week since I left home and I feel like I have experienced and learned so much in my short time here in Paris. The past week feels like a blur. My plane landed Thursday morning, and as soon as I got my luggage, the missionary Mark took me to get an espresso and chocolate pastry. I knew that moment that France and I were going to have a great relationship.

 I wasn't sure what to expect when I got here, but I figured it would be like a normal mission's trip where I would get off from the plane and hit the ground running. To my surprise, my first week was quite relaxing and I was finally able to slow my mind and life down for the first time in forever. Its weird, because I've literally come out of one of the craziest times of my life and I feel like God dropped me in a completely new world to just "be, still, and know that he his God." The TV is off, I'm active on facebook one or twice a week, and for the first time I have free time that I can't fill with noise and distractions.

There are so many things about Paris that I love so much, but I've found that its the little things that I treasure the most. I've done A LOT of observing and listening this past week and I've literally been a sponge just trying to soak it all in.

What I love most about the French is their ability to enjoy life instead of rushing through it. The people here are busy and work just as hard as Americans, but they aren't consumed with rushing to their next event. The people here really know how to enjoy each moment of each day. So I have decided that instead of constantly thinking about the next event I'm going to, or ways of filling my time I am going to focus on the now. I am going to focus on each day as it is given to me and live it to the fullest.

" This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it"

I love you all so much! Thanks for all of the encouragement on my wall. I am only using facebook to update my blog and ready messages from friends. I am really trying to give my full attention and energy to my new relationships here so that is why I have been responding very little to posts, but I have loved them all so much!





Thanks for sharing this time with me. I love you all so much!

Kinsey

The Whole Story

In exactly one week I will be leaving for Paris! I still can't believe I am actually doing this, and as I look back at my senior year I am amazed at how God prepared me and brought me to this point.I really believe this trip is not just for me, but something I want to share with all of you and I hope that you will be encouraged through what God is and is going to do in these next couple of weeks. But before I get to Paris, I want to share with you how God brought me this incredible opportunity.

When I was 9 years old, my family and I went on a three week mission's trip to Sophia, Bulgaria. Soon after we returned home, I was sitting in Kid's R.A.P and God spoke to me and told me that he wanted me to be a missionary. As I got older, God reminded me of his calling at different points and gave me a passion for missions. Unfortunately, life got in the way and my perception of Christ and what it meant to be a Christ follower was altered by different events in my life. So by the fall of my senior year, being a missionary for a God I didn't like very much, and who (at least I thought) definitely didn't like me was out of the question.

Eight months ago I was a very different person. Like most seniors I was stressed with college searching, and trying to figure out the rest of my life. I prayed about my future plans ALL of the time, but in my prayers I promised God that he could do whatever he wanted with my life.... Oh but I would NEVER go into the ministry.

Most of my friends knew what they wanted to study and where they were going to school, but the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to travel.Ever since my trip to Bulgaria I have had a fascination with Europe. Traveling became my passion, and that's all I wanted to do. My parents would ask me about what I thought I'd want to do after high school and going to Europe was the only answer I could give them.

However, reality set in and I knew that I couldn't just pack my bags and head off to Europe when I graduated ( or in the way I wanted to). I knew that going to college was inevitable, and I started getting excited about the possibility of going to ORU in Tulsa, OK. It wasn't Europe, but it wasn't Fort Wayne so I was excited to get out of here. My excitement turned into devastation when I didn't get the scholarship money I thought I was going to get, and there was no possible way I was going to get to go to ORU.

As I look back now, God used my excitement and disappointment about going to ORU to teach me some hard lessons, but also used that time to transform my idea about who he was and about his love for me. Last fall, I would have told you that I knew everything there is to know about being a Christian, I had God all figured out and I didn't need him because I had the motions of Christianity down perfectly. However, right before school started I was at a breaking point with God. I was sick of church and religion and told God I would give this Christian thing one more chance but he would have to do all the work. Little did I know, he had been waiting for me to come to this point. Graciously God began to reveal to me his unconditional love on a personal level that I had never know before.

It was late March when I realized my plans for college were not going to happen and I had no idea what I was going to do. I continued to pray about future plans, but this time I trusted God on a personal level, and completely gave my future to him. After a few weeks of praying, I heard about an internship opportunity in Paris at The Bridge International Church. I knew someone who is on staff there through a mutual friend that we share, and so I found her on Facebook and asked if they were still looking for interns. I wasn't sure how I felt about doing ministry all summer, but if it meant I got to travel I knew God could prepare me for anything.

I was so excited the day I got the acceptance email for the internship! I couldn't believe I was going to spend a whole summer in Paris, but I was really worried about doing ministry. As I prayed about the trip, God began to show me that he never intended for me to "do ministry," but wants me to simply share my life with people and let his love impact their lives. I had just spent a year learning how to let God love me, and now I am so excited that I get to share my story and his love with the people of Paris. 

Its been quite a journey, but I know its just the beginning of what God has for me, and I can't wait for my next post which will finally be from Paris :)